"As long as this is love..."

it does not bother me to say, "This isn't love...
Cause if you don't want to talk about it
Then, it isn't love."
And I guess I'm gonna have to live with that
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name, if that's what you mean

"If it's love," she said "then we're going to have
to think about the consequences."
And she can't stop shaking,
And I can't stop touching her and...

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away
And Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days."
She says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing


three simple words that twist my mind into knots. they make me want to scream, laugh, cry, rejoice, and run away everyday. every time i think of you.

and i don't think you even know. you don't even begin to understand that by not saying these things to me your not leaving out words. your screaming more words at me.

i just want to know i am not on this planet by myself. that i'm not wasting my time thinking about you every second. every time i think of the future. every time i look at everything in this universe that reminds me of you constantly. i just want to know your thinking with me. that my yellow isn't your blue.

and every time i ask. watch out. thats such a struggle. can't you just see all i want is COMMITMENT? no. you don't swing that way. which is fine. which is why i fell in love with you in the first place. because i love your free heart. i love everything you own fits into your car and we can drive off into the sunset tomorrow if we wanted. because thats YOU. buts its not me. and thats what we fight about every god damn single time we fight. every time.
and i don't want to fight baby. i want our perfect world back. where a good night is a homemade kitchen creation, a bottle of red wine, a good show on showcase and staying naked from sex at oh 4 cause we got bored waiting for dinner and ate each other instead. i miss that. so so so very much darling.

i hate that every time i see you i cry. i cry more when i don't see you though. even though you don't know that. even though i know you don't cry for me.

and the worst part is baby. i'm more scared to say these things to you then to leave them all bottled up inside me. cause i'm not dumb. i know the solution the this problem (your solution anyway) is to leave it all behind. kiss, cuddle, say our goodbyes in a civilized way and just drive away.

so no matter now much this hurts more then anything baby. i know what the alternative is and i'm not willing to give it all up just because you can't commit to me yet. i'm willing to wait for your stubborn taurus head to realize what you've got and appreciate it. and it will be a wonderful day. promise.

christmas is OVER

and i have to say...i am actually very happy about that. usually i'm not the type to get stressed out by the christmas rush but this year i just wanted it to be over before it really even began. i imagine it started since i really have no money to be buying people things this year and dreaded how i could possibly find something that matches with my budget AND my super awesome present buying skills. so yes, the anticipation this year was lacking.
on a brighter side, i did get many really great gifts from people that care about me. also, being home surprised me alot. i was much more comfortable just saying what i wanted, helping when i was needed and not putting on any false faces. i just didn't really have it in me to put up much of a front this year. and no one ran away crying, and in fact i think it helped other people relax in the situation as well. jkdkjdfkjsdf who really knows though?

it is reallllly nice to be back at home though. there is alot to be said for a wonderful place to come home to that welcomes you with open arms and truly makes me think this is the best place for me. what i love about my roommates is more then a list. i was just going to list everything that makes them awesome. but really....i can't even do that. sentences can't conform and express how i feel about them. also i am bad at articulating my feelings....maybe i should try and make that list just to see how close i can come. at a later date.

with the end of december and the start of january becomes the time to make decisions about how the rest of the year will be played out. i'm still undecided about new years resolution...if i want them, what they will be, will they last the whole year, are they going to be difficult? good thing i have until tomorrow to decide.

craft time

Laura Normandin Small Embellished Bottle

so adorable.

there was a point in time when i thought that having a car was the best way to get places, and really the only way to get places. but that time in my life has now ended. cars are the worst. being stuck in traffic is like swallowing bleach. maybe not that bad, but guhhhh you just never know when it is going to end.

had a thought last night. the figure of speech 'it just popped into my head'. well that really happens to me. like one second i am just walking into the bathroom and the next second my brain remembers that i have something to tell someone. or something to do. or the worst is when i forget things. which happens more then i would like.

i just got back from a bus ride from waterloo (hence the car hating) and it was fun. we played domestic married couple and did laundry and dishes and not much of anything important. but thats okay because in all honesty sometimes its things like doing our laundry together and arguing about how to fold boxers that i miss the most. or how when j does dishes he gets water like everywhere. or the random things that he buys at the grocery store hahah.

christmas is sooo soon. i can't even believe it. my mom bought me a chocolate advent calendar. good thing my room mates have been remembering to eat the chocolate haha. we had our 7th annual savis sister secret santa tonight. L got me four wine glasses and a bottle of red wine yuumm..i will definitely be opening that up soon.

i added more blogs that are nice to read on the sidebar.

wicked cool website

oh and i forgot to say. the best part is i get a free cook book because my question was picked!

I WON!

I am always canodelling around this website called apartment therapy.com and they have this part of the website that is for kitchen things, like cooking advice, recipes, appliences, and all around good info if you have a kitchen.
anyways, they had a contest to ask a profession chef any questions about holiday baking...and SHE ANSWERED MY QUESTION!!

Allie Lewis of Martha Stewart's Everyday Food asked for your holiday cooking questions. She's answered your questions on shrinking pie crusts and easy food for last-minute holiday gatherings. Here's the fourth of five questions Allie is answering for us.
Q: This holiday season my friends and I (all struggling students) decided to make baked goods to give to people. We plan on making a variety of different cookies, squares, peanut brittle, and other goodies.
My question is, how soon can we package these items to give out? Our idea was to put them in those cute little Chinese take-out container boxes with cellophane inside. We would like to get started but I was just wondering what kind of expiration date baked goods had.

if you want to find out the answer its here....

BLAM!
I knew it was going to happen. APPLE GOT A TOUCH SCREEN MONITOR!!! ohhhh it is ever so pretty. can't say i really need it but if i won a lot of money you can bet i would buy one of those darlings.

today is the most massive snow storm of life. i got sent home from work since the only people that were out in this BLIZZARD were not going for a causal stroll and eating crepes. also they are most likely homeless. hopefully things pick up at the restaurant i worked for 7 hours yesterday and only made like just over 20$ in tips....which is pretty horrible. I could make that in 2 tables at my last job. oh well they will have a hard time finding staff and i will just slip in my two sense that they need to INSPIRE US WITH MONEY to get the job done better. the end.

'mo money mo probelms, you of all people should know that Stanley' -michael scott The Office.

the french boys leave today and tomorrow. thomas is gone today and that is making a certain person a little bit of a sad bunny around the house. she will need a lot of chearing up in the near future. and hopefully she isn't going to get into the drink very much because we all know that that just leads to tears and nonsense.

hopefully J and i will be able to see each other soon. i miss that kid.. its bad that christmas is supposed to be a time you visit with family and friends and both of us are just working our asses off to afford to live and can't enjoy the time off school that we have. hopefully we shall see each other for a little while after the holiday madness dies down.

being sent home from work equals NAP time.

Here is a website i happened to come across. i lovvvvvvvvvvvvve it.





I think that if my life doesn't work out on the road i am on...i will make pottery and then paint it. and i will live in a wood cabin in the woods and make a fire everyday. also i will always have fresh flowers and tea.
i would grow all my own vegetables and eat no meat. i would have at lease one dog and probably a cat and take cute pictures of them together. also it would be near a lake and i would swim to the nearest island every morning at sunrise.

DONE DONE DONE

I am FINALLY done! yesss.... no more stress. YAY!

its was a tough hall, sometimes I wasn't sure I was going to make it but I did. thankgod. and now everything can return to (semi) normal for a month at least.

in the time that I have not posted I got myself not just one, but TWO brand new jobs. so we shall see how that plays out.. one is at the end of my street in the cutest little restaurant called I feel like Crepe. its adorable and it only opened two weeks ago. I'm serving there but so far have only had one shift. bummer. i hope it will pick up like they promise...
and job number two. is at a pharmacy in the east end. its sort of a natural pharmacy of sorts and they sell alot of things you would find in a health food store. I am starting tomorrow so we shall see how that goes as well.

yesterday L and M and i went to the Umbra factory sale at the convention centre, let me just say it was HEAVEN. i bought alot of my christmas presents and now my list is alot shorter which is always an advantage. here are some of the things that i bought...

this is a gift for my friend who's birthday party was last night (whoaaaa drunk times ahaha)


this is going above my computer screen. the picture doesn't do it justice it is really beautiful. also I think i will hang mine horizontally not vertically like this ..


this is for above my bed to reflect the light that comes in from my window.


it was a super fun day and i am just happy my school days are finished for a while.