its 16 miles to the promised land

Okay so I don't usually post about clothing or style because I really don't consider myself doing anything ground breaking or ...really have that much interest in clothing? I know some of you will think thats cray but..yeah...I just sort of find things that fit at thrift stores and buy most of my shoes second hand or in Kensington market and pants are really the only thing I spend money on. and even then, I have one pair of black skinnies that I live in and then a pair of jeans that I should really replace now that I've grown into my new quarter life body. 

But the other day I saw a few of these pictures on a blog and was really drawn to them. simple clothing. simple colours. heels? loose hair. belts. 

I need some inspiration for re-entering the work world in April and this is what I'm being drawn too. 

Source 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Cool so remember when I said I was going to make a list every week and post it?

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HA!

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So that clearly hasn't been happening but I found an old one from January so ta! da! thats what we get today. 

My wants (not needs) list:

so what else is new?

I finished another website...... LINK

Its probably my favorite so far. Although, haha, I guess I would have said that for the others as well, but this one really 'fits' my style and aesthetic right now.

Also, a while ago Peter and I and another friend Matt filmed a Lindsay band when they played at the Horseshoe in Toronto. Peter edited the videos and had a friend mix the music. I did the titles to each of the videos. It was a fun exploration with fonts and a good chance to use some less mainstream title fonts instead of the tried and true readable body copy ones. yes I am a total font nerd. here's one of the best songs (imho) Canada Wide

I was also asked by my lovely cousin Carly to create a logo and branding of her new jewellery business venture, Black and Bronze. You can see her etsy shop with the logo here. Her business cards have been ordered so I'm sure she will post of pic of those when they come in the mail shortly.

Okay, dinners on the table, we are watching beast of the southern wild tonight. xo!

Mindfulness

I was in a conflicted state this morning. I have a snow day and didn't have to go to class, which is A+ awesome. But I didn't/don't want the whole day to go to waste but I also wanted to relax and enjoy this opportunity.

For me that conflict is the worst. It leads me to do nothing. I get overwhelmed and can't start anything. Then I feel guilty for not doing anything but instead of fully embracing relaxing I spend the whole day thinking about what I should be really doing and feeling anxious.

Then I took peter up on his offer to run me a bath and started reading Flow magazine by chance. I found an article that I just perfectly needed to hear. I am making the conscious decision to share it with you and then I will decide on my next move after this.

Taken from an interview with Mark Williams in Flow Issue 1.

WHY DO WE NEED MINDFULNESS SO BADLY THESE DAYS?

...We have created a society which is very hectic and where everything rushes by. We live in a culture of achievement and targets. The trouble with targets is that you can't really be happy when you have achieved them, you can only be relieved. If you're a a carpenter and you make beautiful furniture, you will enjoy your job. But it's different when someone shows up and says, 'I want you to make twenty of these and if you don't finish on time, you won't get paid.' Once you have completed your twentieth, you are no longer happy, you're just relieved.

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO BE QUIET AND CALM?
I think that being busy isn't much of a problem in itself. It only becomes a problem when the bustle becomes permanent. all types of technological advances have made life constantly busy. It's getting harder and harder to take a break, we just jump from one thing to the next.
The danger is that we don't 'feed' ourselves enough. When you are stressed, you have a tendency to give up stuff so you can focus on the tast at hand. But that doesn't reduce stress. So you give up other stuff as well. And then some more. But the things you are likely to give up first are exactly the things that feed you, that give you energy. So you stop singing, you stop playing your musical instrument, you don't invite people round for dinner anymore. And you hear yourself say I'll do it next month, or next year. But in fact you are postponing your life. We never realize that today is the future we promised ourselves last month. But it is. This is life, and it's happening right now. So if this is the future we promised ourselves, why not take a moment and realize that, to wake up?

ps after I got out of the bath I made it my misson to find his book Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World but it isn't available through the public library or chapters. Or even Amazon! But I did find this, and bought it.

BUT AT THIS MOMENT there is only THIS MOMENT

source

I have a confession. I am really liking this time of year. Its not usually my style, all cold and grey and unpredictable out there. but right now in these moments I am finding a lot of happiness.

I have time to have conversations with friends. I am able to work hard at my schoolwork and not feel overwhelmed. I am enjoying going to the gym and seeing changes in my body. I love spending time with Peter and we have been just laughing our heads off always. He's been working so much and so hard and it makes me uncontrollably proud to see that. We've had lots of friends over and served good food and played cards (Wizard, favourite game ever) around my new kitchen table. It feels like family. like home. like a great time.

This is a delicate balance. once the weather warms up there will be more obligations. more places to visit and less time to decompress. more deadlines to meet and the stress will be higher. the potential 'dream job' will be looming.

I am going to enjoy these moments because they are mine to have now.

I've realized something very important. my future planner self needs to step back. I think of all these scenarios in my head, like what my job will be, how my husband will be, how many kids we will have and in what city. my future planner then looks at today and feels like it needs to hurry up. to set those wheels in motion. I see something that doesn't fit with future planner self's vision and I freak out. Its an irrational panic because there is nothing in this moment that is wrong, just a potential flaw in future planners vision that could potentially change things. BUT AT THIS MOMENT there is only THIS MOMENT. If I am happy now, I can live with that. If I am looking forward to tomorrow, then I will be ready for it. I have to calm down, take a deep breath, ask myself, but are you happy right now? and if the answer is yes then I need to chill out.

I always have the opportunity to change things.  Why I am so nieve to think that I know today what my future self will want? I won't get existential on this matter, but if I can make myself happy in this moment, I will have the opportunity to do that later as well. Life is not linear. I can't check something off my to do list today for the rest of all time. Life takes turns, it is unexpected. I can only take comfort in being happy in this moment and the foreseeable future. If later on I am not happy, it will not be present selfs fault. I will make the decisions my heart wills me to make and treat those around me the best. that is all I can do. there is reality in future planners life, there is only the small and insignificant choices I make today and everyday and the life I am happy with at that moment.

pulled from the archives

I was going through old posts last night and find inspiration in my own words. 

side note. at the bar i went to they had these sailboat glasses that my parents used to have/might still own and all night i felt like i was in this weird universe where my childhood collided with being of age to drink. when the bartender handed me my first drink i was so taken back down memory lane that i walked away without actually paying for my drink. wait! this isn't my own house! im sorry mr. bartender, my parents don't make me pay for drinks you see...

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part of me is shutting down, and as opposites cosmically attract, i am discovering things about myself that i didn't think possible. i didn't know were in me to do. i know i am being so vague and pointing my finger in the air and trying to describe what it is that i'm touching. its just hard. its difficult to be honest with myself and with others and see both sides of the coin.

some days the future is right onfront of me. its the ground i'm about to step on, its waiting for the thumbs up without even needing to look back.

today is a day when the future is like looking through a paper tube. its there i can see it, i know i'll find it, its just beyond the next distance. the shaded curves on either side are rather hard to get though in the meantime. i'm already too far to look back now.

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lately i've been really touched by kindness in strangers. i think we unknowingly expect the worst from people and really, we are better then that, as a species. there were 4 times the maximum people that should ever be allowed on a single street car crammed into one car the other night and instead of scowling and pretending to be enthralled in the seat in front of her a lady told me i could rest my huge heavy gym bag on her lap instead of hovering it in the air because there was actually no place to put it. we started talking about the weather, about friends who live in better climates, about friends in general. i was sad to see my stop come up. i like moments like this and it makes me feel like there are actual humans living in toronto with me.

Photo +

a year of lists: what to blog about

I accidentally forgot to set my alarm last night and woke up too late to make it to morning class. I'm lucky because I can catch the same class in the afternoon, but it weird to be sitting at home in the morning. its been raining non stop lately. I wish it would stop. the weather is so dreary and sad. i remembered last night how much i love red wine. shared with friends over cards, nothing better really.  

currently loving : brown, linen, and ceramic

wallet + 
apron +
cutting board +
ceramic spoons +

Things have been busy but great. I had a little freak out today when I got home from school because there are a lot of unknown variables in my life right now but I'm feeling calmer now. The tipping point was my car acting up again, the transmission is just f*cked right up and now it does this chugging thing before the starter turns over. peters saying its because of the cold but I don't know...I hope hes right. plus we are actively looking for a new roommate and if we don't find one soon-ish then we would have to move and that makes me really sad and anxious. I do really like our apartment and especially the location. also, I don't have a job or any source on income right now so thats pretty much a constant stress haha.

but on the UPSIDE I've been going to the gym regularly, about three times a week. drinking tons of water. trying to go to bed earlier then midnight and cooking lots of tasty vegetables. I've put a loose ban on myself that doesn't allow eating out or snacking out of laziness.  I've also stopped buying chips (I KNOW RIGHT?) so thats helping because I am sure as shit not going to walk in the freezing cold to get chips when I get the munchies to eat them.

I feel so lucky to be in such a great relationship. Peter is honestly just the sweetest most loving person I know. sometimes I overreact and over analyze (he didn't fold the laundry before I got home turns into Hes never going to fold laundry again turns into Do I want to always be responsible for folding laundry forever and ever Is this my life) whoaaaa nelly. I need to reign that brain in. deal with today. focus on one thing. rationalize if it really REALLY matters.

+ made this recipe last night for spicy roasted broccoli, soooo tasty
+ Hoping to catch this while its still in Toronto (and I can get in for student price!)

eliminating clutter : the kitchen

one of the first things that I made a priority for this new year is eliminating useless clutter.

I went through the cabinets and got rid of useless mismatched dishes and almost everything that was crappy and plastic. now because all of the 'like items' are grouped together its a pleasure to make coffee in the morning. the coffee beans, the ginder and the french press are all together, ahhhhh.



I also bought one regular size and one large size case of mason jars for the pantry. I threw out so much packaging and condensed everything to uniform sized jars. now all my baking items are together and easy to identify. I can also see exactly how much is left of everything in the pantry before going to the grocery store. we use the mason jars for leftovers and food storage in the fridge and freezer as well as they can go from frozen to the fridge and even to a microwave (if we had one, but we never will, but thats not the point) if we wanted.

my favorite thing to store in mason jars - soup! you can freeze it, then defrost it and even eat it right of of the jar, no need for extra dishes.

if you attempt something similar then I highly recommend a funnel. I didn't have one so I made one out of a pie plate that I pressed the middle down to make a cone shape and then punched a medium sized hole in the center of. easy and cheap!

A year of lists: Things to do NOT in front of a screen

Every week in 2013 I am going to hand write a list. This week there will two lists because I missed posting the first week.

I want to document my thoughts/feeling/preferences/everything and the best way I thought to do this was with a list. I know above all I can always ALWAYS motivate myself to make a list.

this weeks list comes from sitting at home, bored, and not wanting to watch any more crappy tv (ie sister wives, actually so addicted to that show, wow).  I wanted to see what other options I could come up with that didn't involve my phone or the computer or the tv. I ended up trying to take a quick nap and then attempting pumpkin muffins that tasting like dense hockey pucks, but REGARDLESS at least it was a learning experience and it wasn't in front of the dreaded screeeeeen.

your invited to join in and make your own list on this topic and link up in the comments. xox

mindful

I know I'm a little late to the resolutions bandwagon but I want to touch on my word for 2013.

Mindful. Mindfulness.

so what does mindfulness mean to me?

"Mindfulness is the ability to notice what you are experiencing right now. The ability to be aware of what happens to you from moment to moment. You do this is an accepting way, you do not judge."
(from Flow magazine, Feeling better through mindfulness)

I want to be present, aware, constantly noticing. I don't want to miss an opportunity to laugh or give a hug. I want to take time for myself to restore and refocus, but when in the company of others I want them to know I am fully engaged.

I want to limit multi-tasking. focus on one thing, do it properly and efficiently and move on to the next.

eat with purpose.

look for inspiration. go out into the world JUST for inspiration. a walk through the neighborhood  through the magazine isle, through the vegetable section. take time to be inspired and the world will deliver.

accept others for who they are. don't spend energy or time thinking about changing another person. you wouldn't want to be changed, don't create expectations.
do not rely on them for everything but choose skills they excel at and utilize this. it will make both of us happier in the end.

when I read the Happiness Project one thing that really stuck with me is that more happiness is derived from striving to reach your goals then from the moment you finally get there. I need to remember that the end goal is not the only place to find happiness. Happiness comes from every step towards the goal I make. this can be applied all over my life. happiness from going to the gym multiple times a week instead of from a number I will one day achieve. happiness from making beautiful food and sharing it with others. happiness from going to bed knowing I put in a long day of hard work and effort on my homework.
I put off enjoying the everyday happiness in an effort to 'save' it for the big moment when everything comes together. thats backwards. happiness comes every day from working towards my goals and progressing and the trials and from living life today, instead of from that moment when I realize I did it and now theres just another thing to work towards anyway.

use my short term memory more. test myself. learn peoples birthdays and phone numbers.

always hug my friends good-bye.

I'm ready for you 2013.

(image source - mindful mondays)