creativity

helloooooo

so i was perusing the blog world, as usual, and came across this interview of Elizabeth Gilbert, better known as the author of Eat Pray Love. please - if you have 20 minutes to inspire yourself i would highly recommend this video. first of all her voice is just so calm and controlled and she is so .... genuine. so true to herself. so honest on a subject that is never really discussed. always present, but never really questioned. such a fundamental truth of how we see creativity but never subject it to analysis. which asks the question, can you analyze creativity? can creativity come from one thing and not another, can it be given these - or any - qualities? i don't know.

i'm open to her suggestion that it passes through us. with us one day and gone the next. there are times when i feel it. i itch to create. its hard for me to explain it when i don't feel it. like today, and these past couple months. when i am removed from the creativity. my senses are numbed, to exhausted to feel it. to get excited about it. this is sad. i WANT to embrace it. i want to feel it in the middle of the day and ACT on it.

i've been struggling with working full time, investing in a career, and still embracing with any form of creativity. i don't get to have feelings and act on them, i have deadlines and shit that has to get done.

earning a living and creativity somehow are disconnected for me. i really do think this but sometimes there is a glimmer of hope. a flicker that it could turn into something more. to be honest i should spend more time just thinking about creativity. not designating time for it, but at least leaving time open for it.

creativity demands your full attention. it can not be done while watching mad men or looking at mad men. i feel like these days most of my creativity happens in the kitchen. i get very... absorbed, by different flavors, smells, acid levels. how something tastes when it is chopped versus blended. i feel very satisfied creating a meal, watching it grow. i also think that i am most creative when i am alone. i don't like to be disturbed. i feel like i am very protective of my work when it is not finished, i don't like questions. although i should really be honest and say the truth of the matter is, i don't like judgement.

which brings me to this blog. in a roundabout way. i feel like this is an expression of my creativity - or rather COULD be a view into my world. but. its not. its just this. thing. this thing that exists and there are pictures and memories and other internet leftovers. but there is no creativity. i don't make anything on here. and i feel bad about that.

i'm sorry about that. i want to give real content. real thoughts. real feelings.

none of that is going to make any sense unless you watch it now haha.

common how often do i post videos?! she is brilliant!