heartless challenge

what a whirlwin lately. I don't know. I'm all over the place.

I'm thinking the loaded thought of leaving my job and receiving my last pay check for the next 8 months is like hugely affecting my better judgement right now.

I'm craving peace, hot sauce, and to re-arrange the apartment.

I feel completely overwhelmed and underwhelmed and its just one of those transitional periods where I look at everything in my life and try and be more streamline. more simple. most satisfying.

some times I think I over analyze. I think way too much about the stupidest shit.
but like, at the same time, I'm always going to be this way so why not try and at least change the things I don't like and move towards a happier self.

or maybe I'm just too hard on myself. or maybe. or maybe.

I've really been trying to channel an inner calm. I feel like its all I have sometimes. sometimes I go so far into my own head there exists a peacefulness. one thousand scenarios that may never happen being played out. A repeating one is where i'm lost in a whitewashed world of sunshine and laundry blowing on a close-line and little toes and blueberry crumble.

I want land. ground. soil. dirt. growth. green.

I'm listening to gold dust woman on repeat. for better or worse, that song fills my bones.