whon dai

it was you before i

and we before me

it was better back then

with you in my head.

and now its all out

there is an us and a we

but all the kings horses

and all the kings men

could care less if the pieces

were back together again.

i breath your smell

press my thumb to your skin

but where are the feelings

stop holding them in. 

crazy bitch needs to get off my nuts

so last night after ummmm... participating in some activities... i got lost in an urban dictionary vortex. behold what i though was funny at the time. 

see what she did to her hair?

this entry was after five other (uncomplicated) entries about how cheeba was pot. so i'm going to say actually YOUR dumb. 

i concur.

4. those are all the same definition. one more time for the stoners in the back. 

i only screen grabbed this because it said scooby doo and it was more awesome when i was stoned. so clearly this definition is truth. 

by: wyatt smith. 

holly: bowls are non mechanical? fuckkkkkkkkkk

eany meany miney moe

i found these stamps on etsy. and now i am torn between buying small medium or large?! i would probably use them on birthday cards and to make wrapping paper. or possibly to make labels. or to decorate fabric for curtains. or for the calendars i am going to make. or everything.

what size do you think would be most useful?

also: this adorable ribbon says 'here's something for you.' perfect for wrapping gifts.
everything in this post is from the a little goodness etsy shop

i would be lying if i didn't tell you the truth

3500: number of files i deleted off my computer yesterday.

 

scrathing: to put ones feet down while in motion when riding a bike.

clocking the hours that spin round through the tail end

sometimes the most simple bowl of oatmeal is the best thing in the whole world. 

combined with a blueberry smoothie i couldn't really ask for anything else. nope. nothing. 

happy sunday. :)

like magic, play aces, stay with me, go places...once more for the ages.

so very fitting with the last two months of my life, the plan has changed again. i'm not staying in waterloo. our landlord/roommate decided he didn't want to have roommates anymore and we are kindly being asked to leave. although no one likes their plans to be messed around with, i'm actually thinking this is probably one of the better things that could have happened. we have a new plan, that really could and should be considered an old plan.

we are moving back home to cameron. we will set up headquarters in the presidents old bedroom and there we will live with his family for the next three months. it has nothing to do with not living at my house with my family, but everything to do with living with the president. even though i am sure my family won't see it that way. 

we have a lot of goals about going back home. it is very easy to fall into a complacent, accepting lifestyle where things are easier just left alone. we've fallen into it before. we have been told to accept things the way they are because it would be too much effort to change them. we have swallowed our instincts and opinions in favour of 'not fixing something that isn't broken'. it won't happen that way, this time.

last night i got into a making list mode. it felt great. i wrote down what short term costs i had, and what long term costs i would like to have (paris!!).  i also was in baking mode and made my highly requested cinnamon apple oatmeal cookies. the smell of fresh baked cookies and eating raw cookie dough is so comforting.

we went to the market again yesterday. this was what we bought. the pepper steak cost three dollars. how awesome is that? anyway, i bought more of the tea i tried last time. it called raspberry ginger white tea. if you find it, try it. each of the pints of strawberries was one dollar and the cranberries were free. which left money to spend on deliciously fresh homemade cinnamon buns. if you don't count the tea, everything we bough was under eight dollars. the tea was seven dollars and comparatively seems a little overpriced. 

who knew i could cook a steak so perfectly? not i. i never thought i would say this, but it was actually delicious. 

i didn't get these legs by doing pull ups

good morning!

edit: its now quarter past 10 on the pm side of the sun, where has the day gone?! 

last night i accidently got drunk on champagne. it was originally bought to be a toast to change and the new president, but since we are all busy unorganized people it was popped last night. instead of listening to Obama inspire the dreams and hopes of the american people we opted to watch the inspiration that is nature. and the bbc. life of mammals is like planet earth but instead of being divided by climate/geography its divided by characteristics of the animals like 'meat eaters', 'climbers' and 'back to the sea'. 

i don't think i have ever seen anything produced by the bbc and not been thoroughly impressed. 

i want this guys job. the man, not the otter. or the meerkat for that matter. 

i have a confession. i used to curl. like as in go curling. 

this picture is killing me right now:

 

anyway the point was that when i was curling i would sometimes purposely not go to the bathroom before an important game. i found that when i had minor discomfort i would play better. 

it sounds superstitious but i think that kind of thing actually works. 

here i go getting all psychological again but when my life is uncomfortable or stretched i think i play better. catch on to more of the subtleties and take more of the risks. i feel more alert. 

although i could also feel some of those things because of my new enemy workout. jay and i have been trying out some of the p90x videos and its pretty effin hard. though in my defense, working out consistently has never really been my thing. who am i kidding, working out at all ummm never really happened. we keep forgetting to take 'before' pictures and its unfortunate because i can already see a difference. which is pretty wicked and motivating. 

random things that have occurred in the past few days

1) ordered chicken wings at a bar

2) saw the movie NOTORIOUS

3) puked for no reason in the middle of the night

4) started doing the p90x challenge

5) put a lot of effort into making delicious breakfasts

******

tonight was the first night of a new job. i worked for three hours at a restaurant in the uptown area of waterloo. 

and i hated it. 

overall there was nothing that really stood out as being the deal breaker. no big story to tell you about why i can't see myself working there. 

i just can't. 

it might have something to do with the horrible bar menu food, prepared by boys with pimples and aspirations of college diplomas. or it could be the girls who work there, who after studying nursing for one year confessed to me that she recently found out what she was pronouncing brownchitus was actually bronchitis. or it could be the over 80$ i would have to pay for a completely non-natural red blended work shirt with tacky embroidery and name tag, printed out by a label maker. 

but all of those things aside..i just don't want to do that job. i want to serve people food i can believe in and feel passionate about. i don't want to be another yes ma'am, i'm sorry sir server. 

******

in a completely opposite direction i have been doing some research about social anxiety. i thought that what i was dealing with was something that my f*cked up brain invented all on it own. i have never met anyone else who seemed to fall victim to these symptoms. i really couldn't say it any better myself then what i will copy and paste. 

Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, is diagnosed when people become overwhelmingly anxious and excessively self-conscious in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have an intense, persistent, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of doing things that will embarrass them. They can worry for days or weeks before a dreaded situation. While many people with social phobia realize that their fears about being with people are excessive or unreasonable, they are unable to overcome them. Even if they manage to confront their fears and be around others, they are usually very anxious beforehand, are intensely uncomfortable throughout the encounter, and worry about how they were judged for hours afterward. Physical symptoms that often accompany social phobia include blushing, profuse sweating, trembling, nausea, and difficulty talking. When these symptoms occur, people with social phobia feel as though all eyes are focused on them.

even though reading this makes me realize that what i have been dealing with is actually somewhat of a disorder it is actually very calming to know that i am not alone in this. i knew it wasn't exactly 'normal' but what does that even mean anyway? 

this little piggy went to the market

the number two thing i am love with in waterloo is the st.jacobs farmers market. in the winter time its open thursdays and saturdays not sundays thats gods day. its run by mennonites and local farmers so everything is pretty much organic slash locally grown without the 25% price increase.

i meant to take a picture of all the things we bought but for less then 40 bones we got two double espressos, a huge apple fritter, focatcha that turned out to be lunch, two samples of teas, two heads of broccoli, red potatoes, three containers of blueberries, tomatoes, two books, a pound of ground beef and a steak. and a partridge in a pear tree. plus you can haggle and get to know the vendors so when you come back they give you good deals. the cute lady that sold me the teas said hi to me when we walked by her later. there is everything you could want to eat there -cinnamon buns, dumplings, falafel, apple fritter cakes and then upstairs there are all kinds of crafty, knitted handmade 100% grandmother certified nick-nacks. 

those things in the blue crates are the fritters. h u g e. and 4$

insert your sausage is really big joke here

jay found me the anne-marie macdonald book i have been looking for for months now. i'm looking forward to sitting down with a cup of tea and engulfing my face in this book. the pursuit of happyness is for him. 

these steaks were so fresh the juices on them were bubbling. gross but also impressive. 

last night we played euchre with some friends, drank some wine and watched the movie The World According to Monsanto. i recommend it but i would also recommend not drinking milk prior to or during watching it. 

Thanks to these intimate links between Monsanto and government agencies, the US adopted GE foods and crops without proper testing, without consumer labeling and in spite of serious questions hanging over their safety. Not coincidentally, Monsanto supplies 90 percent of the GE seeds used by the US market. 
Monsanto’s long arm stretched so far that, in the early nineties, the US Food and Drugs Agency even ignored warnings of their own scientists, who were cautioning that GE crops could cause negative health effects. Other tactics the company uses to stifle concerns about their products include misleading advertising, bribery and concealing scientific evidence. 

But Monsanto’s influence doesn't stop at the US border. “The world according to Monsanto”, documents the devastating impact of Monsanto's malpractices around the world. Among others, it includes the real-life stories of cotton farmers in India that ended up in hopeless debts after using Monsanto genetically engineered (so called Bt) cotton, and of a family in Paraguay, South America whose dreams have turned to nightmares after their farm became surrounded by fields planted with Monsanto’s GE soya. 

disgusting

socks+slippers+blankets+sweaters+sweatpants+hat+mittens+candles

'Toronto police said residents were taking a “mature” approach to the situation. '

because its too friggen cold out to do anything more then light another candle and bury myself under another blanket. furke you toronto hydro. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

the calm after the storm

hey skids. i'm still alive. been moving and shaking and selling and subletting and smiling. 

four weeks ago i would have told you my life was pretty rad and that i had everything figured out. but, well, life happens. people make offers and sometimes they are accepted. anyone who's read this blawg (hate that spelling) for long enuff (and that one) knows that i've been pinning my heart to a special boy since i saw his scar and kissed him until the stars became the sun. and then the stars again. 

and so. 

my life turned over around and upside down trying to figure out a way to keep my heart happy. and tears were spilled and words were thrown and i think we both just didn't want to say yes without knowing the other would do the same. but thats the past. and now we get to decide what the future looks like. take two. 

jack of balls

this makes me want to start painting on porcelain again. i stopped because firing the pieces was always an inconvenience. my nana has about five kilns at her house that she runs non-stop but it was a matter of getting the pieces there without smudging or ruining them in transit. i love the clean and simple illustrations of this designer. bailey doesnt bark. 

im killing time waiting for people to come and look at my apartment. i'm not sure if my mom reads this but HI MOM i'm giving up the lease on my apartment, putting everything i own in storage and moving to waterloo and getting a waitressing job! surprise! if you didn't see that one coming, i didn't either. 

its a long and partially neurotic story but it comes down to listening to my heart instead of my head and throwing caution to the wind. i was pretty settled in toronto but i've never lived in the same place for longer then 6 months in the past couple years anyway. i've never been one to last very long on easy street. gotta have something to bitch talk about right?