random things that have occurred in the past few days

1) ordered chicken wings at a bar

2) saw the movie NOTORIOUS

3) puked for no reason in the middle of the night

4) started doing the p90x challenge

5) put a lot of effort into making delicious breakfasts

******

tonight was the first night of a new job. i worked for three hours at a restaurant in the uptown area of waterloo. 

and i hated it. 

overall there was nothing that really stood out as being the deal breaker. no big story to tell you about why i can't see myself working there. 

i just can't. 

it might have something to do with the horrible bar menu food, prepared by boys with pimples and aspirations of college diplomas. or it could be the girls who work there, who after studying nursing for one year confessed to me that she recently found out what she was pronouncing brownchitus was actually bronchitis. or it could be the over 80$ i would have to pay for a completely non-natural red blended work shirt with tacky embroidery and name tag, printed out by a label maker. 

but all of those things aside..i just don't want to do that job. i want to serve people food i can believe in and feel passionate about. i don't want to be another yes ma'am, i'm sorry sir server. 

******

in a completely opposite direction i have been doing some research about social anxiety. i thought that what i was dealing with was something that my f*cked up brain invented all on it own. i have never met anyone else who seemed to fall victim to these symptoms. i really couldn't say it any better myself then what i will copy and paste. 

Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, is diagnosed when people become overwhelmingly anxious and excessively self-conscious in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have an intense, persistent, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of doing things that will embarrass them. They can worry for days or weeks before a dreaded situation. While many people with social phobia realize that their fears about being with people are excessive or unreasonable, they are unable to overcome them. Even if they manage to confront their fears and be around others, they are usually very anxious beforehand, are intensely uncomfortable throughout the encounter, and worry about how they were judged for hours afterward. Physical symptoms that often accompany social phobia include blushing, profuse sweating, trembling, nausea, and difficulty talking. When these symptoms occur, people with social phobia feel as though all eyes are focused on them.

even though reading this makes me realize that what i have been dealing with is actually somewhat of a disorder it is actually very calming to know that i am not alone in this. i knew it wasn't exactly 'normal' but what does that even mean anyway?