Wednesday, January 30, 2008

its a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown

this is for sale on ebay and i want it.

i collect* this plate set from the designer Russel Wright and how cute would a matching clock look in a kitchen with a matching awesome dish set.

*I say collect but really I only have three plates so far. but i will once i graduate humber aka money pit. i have this day dream that i can go antique shopping on the weekends with my darling fiance because we are so financially stable we would never dream of working on the weekends and take the time off to bond and have baths by candlelight. its nice to dream.

working alot right now. my sprouts are starting to grow little tails, they are soo cute. i feel like i am watching them grow up, which i guess i am, but i feel maternal about them. is it wrong that i am going to eat them? haha

i make the best soy milk lattes ever. i am addicted to the song My Number by tegan and sara.

i had a bunch of other things i was going to blog about but safari quit unexpectantly and now i can't be bothered to find it all again to link it.

i have to make a logo for one of my school projects and i am going to do mine by hand. i have been working on it for the past couple hours and i forgot how much i love to paint.

tonight Spike and Kaitlen from the original degrassi are DJ-ing at the club we are going to. and there is an 80's theme. HOT.

update: there was not an 80s theme. zing.

erin takes her 400 children with mark oliver to school in a hot air balloon.

my less then awesome MASH results.

L was out grocery shopping when i got home from school. she came home with all the ingredients to make the most delicious pizzas. one had pineapple, tomatoes and cheese and the next had tomatoes, green olives and taco flavored soy protein and cheese. turns out i have quite the skill for stretching pizza dough. haha we didn't have a rolling pin so we used an empty wine bottle. yeah we are high rollers.

its so disgusting outside. i wish the weather didn't effect me as much as it does but i have primal instincts to hibernate when it gets this cold and windy outside. i wish it would snow instead of this freezing blustery death wind.

all of the ceramic things i was looking at this afternoon promted me to talk to L about taking spinning classes and turns out she already wrote down a list of all the places close to the apartment! one place is like 4 blocks from here (little blocks not even city blocks) so that should be really fun. i would love just going to get messy and create something once a week. i hope we get to work with glazes and paints because that part interests me just as much as making the pottery. maybe L will really like spinning and i can glaze all of her pieces.

today at lunch my friend is reading from the newspaper and turns to me and says, "It says here that smoking a joint is _____(i can't remember the actual number) times worse for you then smoking cigarettes"
I looked her in the eye and said, "well that doesn't affect me because I smoke bowls"
she turns away. five seconds later it dawns on her "that doesn't matter..!" i love quick replying people and being so convincing that they actually believe you.
yeah thats right the pot smoker pulled a fast one on you. sucker.

i heart ceramics

ohhh my. this website is my new ceramic heaven. i have a thing with ceramic plates and bowls. Heath Ceramics really knows how photograph and present their products. here are some of my favorite examples.

i would really like to get a set of these. they are so beautiful and would make everything in them so much more enjoyable to drink. imagine smoothies in this cup? heaven.

this wallpaper would be so fun in a kitchen. it reminds me of a diner, i would want one of those colourful milkshake makers or electric mixers. plus i would wear an apron all the time. and i would write inspirational quotes on a chalkboard hanging on the wall, or maybe my shopping list. okay i'll stop now.

from the Graham and Brown website. not too expensive either.


so todays freak weather has spawned (hahah i used the word spawned) an urge in me to stay at home, drink hot chocolate, bake, wear my slippers, and get caught up with my good old friend, the internet.
unfortunately, i am still at school (but i caved and wore sweat pants) and am counting down the hours until i get to go home and get started doing nothing.
but since i'm currently in limbo about two of my ideas, procrastination has commenced.

heres what i want to bake...

mmmm coffee cake.....

i have been craving meat big time lately (particularly sausages, ew i know) so when i found yves spicy sausages at the store yesterday i HAD to buy some. they were delish. a BBQ would have helped bring out some of the crispyness that i enjoy so much from a good sausage. but i will test them out on the george forman soon, but cooked in a pan they were well worth the 5.99.

here is an interesting article/discussion by Mark Bittman on the impact that meat consumption has on the environment. as much as i hate the thought of animals living pointless lives for our enjoyment i almost feel more disgusted about the impact we have on the earth to fulfill this crazy meat addiction.
when you think of all the electricity, gasoline, carbon pollution and ....well he pretty much sums it up by saying.

"These assembly-line meat factories consume enormous amounts of energy, pollute water supplies, generate significant greenhouse gases and require ever-increasing amounts of corn, soy and other grains, a dependency that has led to the destruction of vast swaths of the world’s tropical rain forests."

he then goes on to talk about the pollution of the water near these meat factories and how a diet full of hormone injected, sterioid meat, THREE times a day is part of the reason why everyone feels like shit on a daily bases. makes sense.

and btw, i am by no means preaching all meat eaters should change their ways, (anyone who knows me knows that i can't get through a hangover without a BLT), but i would like to see everyone be more open to meat alternatives. tofu (1.99) can feed four girls for two dinners. last time i checked a pepper-et cost that. plus i really wish people could see that a meal can be complete without a slab of animal on the plate. (and probably more nutritious too, because when you take out meat, you need a heck of a lot more veggies to fill you up)

okay my rant is over, check out the article and comment if you have a strong opinion about the subject, there is already a heated discussion going on.

i am starting to grow my sprouts tonight, i hope they work!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

i hope this pot doesn't give us pneumonia.

i really like blogging. i came to that realization about 30 seconds ago. which is first on the list of
- you can have thoughts in your head and then write them and just get them out. in real life i am so bad at just blurting out the most random thing and looking like such an idiot because i forget other people aren't in my head and have no idea what i was just thinking about for the last 3 minutes.
- which brings me to my second point, i dont really care what i say on here cause i don't write it for anyone. its just mine, and its for me and i'm allowed to be totally selfish.
- and i can totally be selfish about all the things i like. and don't like. and there is something to be said about reading on the internet how you feel about something. it sort of changes it in my head to be more definitive. more real.

is it weird that i just said that because i read about my life on the internet that it seems more real to me? okay i am too stoned to be blogging. the list is finished now.

moral of the story is i wish i had a journal when i was a kid because it would be so fun to go back now and read about all the stuff you thought was important and laugh at yourself.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

girls gone piled

suuuuuuuuchhh a long day today at work. i need to quit. it is interfering with my sanity.

i like being a waitress. job number 2 tomorrow. day off? pffff. not i.

limited energy to blog. apologies. last night i made thai coconut milk and peanut stirfry with tofu and it was pretty much the closest i've had to an assisted orgasm in a while. fuck it was good. even the left overs today were good.

L and M and i were talking last night and i have an small flicker of inspiration of a real life job i want. i don't want to jinx it though cause i need to do more research.

last night D came over too and we all collectively decided that we are not like average friends. most people have civilized conversations with their friends and talk about their lives and interests.
we laugh ourselves sick, gyrate, penguin dance, play board games/cards, play dress up and pretty much have the maturity level of a 10 year old. i can't explain it really but anyone that hangs out with us.....wait no one hangs out with us, except us. proves my point anyway.

tomorrow morning we are getting up early to film something for D's newest movie and it involves us four girls being piled on top of each other in the snow. rock paper scissors showdown for levels, wish me luck, i will die if i'm on the bottom.

update: i forgot to say that both my mom and jays mom got in touch with me via facebook about the change of my relationship status. uh. i thought you were the generation that promotes real conversations.

thanks facebook. for telling my family that i don't have a boyfriend anymore so i didn't have to.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I got a hole in me now, ya, i got a scar i can talk about

"Some things in this world, man, they don't make sense
Some things you don't need until they leave you...
They're the things that you miss" -bright lights, matchbox twenty

some days are better then others.

a cute way to use up old fabric. i really like the birch wood embroidery hoops. (as opposed to the dark ones my mom used)

more cute ideas are here

this is an apartment I am thinking of calling. I need to change my living arrangements. they are not working for me.
Things I have learned that I need in an apartment: I need a place that can inspire me through providing comfort and beauty. I can NOT live in a cluttered house. I need roommates that are respectful of this and CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES. I do not have children at this stage in my life for the reason that I want to live without having to take care of others. yet, that is what i am doing almost everyday.

I believe in loving your home and it will embrace you back. a lot of my philosophies of the home come from the book Apartment Therapy by Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan. it is probably the single most inspiring novel, in terms of changing the way I live my life. The novel shows that through updating, fixing and most importantly LISTENING to your home you can create a space that you truly love and not just live with. Making small changes in the way your furnature is arranged, reorganizing a cluttered closet and purging yourself of accumulated clutter can drastically change the feeling of a home. you should be excited to come home and live in your space, as well as should take ownership of it.
to quote directly from the website "A calm, healthy, beautiful home is a necessary foundation for happiness and success in the world."

My favorite Etsy find of the day. :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

sea snakes and sea weed

please excuse the temporary hiatus. it is on account of this...

and also this....

Today we had a presentation from a company called Blueprint. they specialize in helping companies to distinguish themselves from the competition. in other words, figuring out why clients should choose you. which may sound simple (and at first i thought that too, because if you don't know your strengths then what do you know at all?) but it actually a complicated process.

they help you describe yourself in seven words or less to figure out who are you? thus making where are you going? and how will you get there? even remotely tangible.
i am going to implement their thinking models on myself and try to come up with seven words or less that describe what i bring to the table. a useful tool when i am still unclear what table i want to bring myself too.

Friday, January 18, 2008

new year, new goals, new socks

I apologize to the few people who have stumbled across this blog. In the future i vow to make an effort to write things that ANYONE could interested in. As self conceded as i am i understand that not everyone is as compelled to read about the going-ons of my life and the petty problems i have.

And thanks. to anyone reading this because you stuck it out and had to read through the shittyness that was the past month of posts. And the blah blah cry cry of my insignificant life.

The reason i wanted a blog was to have a place to record all of the cool websites i happened upon, pictures, inspiration and the like. I used to save them all to my desktop and bookmark web pages but that was getting cluttered to say the least = web log (the nerdy media student in me had to find that out). And lets be honest i have NOT been doing that.

So heres to new beginnings...

Ps if someone knows how to add youtube videos to blogs then i would LOVE to know how. If you could break my comment virginity with that little tidbit of insight, that would be much appreciated.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

crawling through the internet

heres a cute idea from Apartment Therapy to re-use old magazines. They used dictionary pages, but I think old 50's housewife magazines would be more colourful and exciting.

And this bright idea is called the love mattress . how many times have you been snuggling up to someone and your arm fell asleep under them? well this mattress eliminates that! now how would you put sheets on it?

could you imagine if you had this mattress and you were doing the 'before snuggling' act and all of the sudden your leg just falls through the mattress? hahahaha maybe you have a love bed and an AFTER love bed. this is getting expensive.

another random AT inspiration......

from the smallest coolest contest of 06

personal rest day

today I was supposed to go to school but instead i am not.

at 12:30 last night i realized i was not ready for a day of school beginning at 7am and especially not a day where i had to show my teacher my portfolio. yikes. so I am taking the day to ACTUALLY compile my portfolio instead of making an ass of myself and will play the sick card and get a meeting with him alone. personally i think i will get much better feed back this way anyway because one-on-one meetings with the teacher while the rest of the class is impatiently waiting for their turns is not a fun way to spend the morning.

also today i mailed out a text book that i sold on amazon (third one this semester whooo) and picked up the ingredients to make stew in my crock pot. the first time i wrote that i said 'strew'. not as appetizing.

last night i went to whoopsies laugh lounge with d and m and it was pretty funny. although the voice recorder on the way there and home was probably the highlight of my night.

why do you have that garbage bag on?

I joined the army. the SALVATION army.

Monday, January 14, 2008

sunny day

things are better now.

j emailed me and i have yet to actually talk to him since the whole episode began but i have confidence we can work this out. his email is probably the cutest thing he could have sent me and he pretty much apologized without actually saying it.

also. i gained a free metro pass even though i lost 40$ yesterday so i feel as though this world has a way of evening its self out again. thanks karma.

speaking of powerful sources...sorry that was a lame segway ...

here is a video my friend sent me that has me thinking .

if only i knew how to add video content to this blog ...

Sunday, January 13, 2008

bonfire in your bedroom

i have one of these and highly recommend them to anyone.

they increase the negative ions in the air which is good for something that i don't know the science of. for me they just sort of elevate my mood and create a more 'homey' atmosphere. something very welcome at the moment.

if you want to read more there is a whole post at apartment therapy

karma is fucking with me


the past few days have been hell to say the least.

j and i are on a 'break'. i don't know what this means, or when it will end or why it began or what the fuck is going on but he sprung that on me at 2:00 in the morning on skype and i was like wow your not even close to a real man. WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS please have the decency to at least pull this kind of shit on me in person. i understand his reasons and everything, i am fully aware how much our current situation was sucking. but fuck do you really think that not talking will make things better? apparently he did. fucker.
plus he tries to be all 'this will help you be a more independent person blah blah' yeah so we are going on a break so that i can be a better person? uh huh cause that makes sense. you just don't want to deal with the daily realization that you don't know how to show your feelings to another human being and are romantically inept. yeah i said it.
i am bipolar-ing between FUCKING ANGRY AT THAT IDIOT and really sad and okay with everything and wanting to live in mexico in a hut. and sometimes i feel optimism but not very often.

today i worked my ass of at the crepe place and then lost 40 or my 55$ of tips on the street on the way home. someone picked them up i know because i went back twice and once with a flashlight so if it was still there i would have seen it.
moral of the story is tomorrow i am taking ALL of the tips to make up for it and i don't give a shit.
i don't give a shit about a lot right now to be honest.

i bought some yellow flowers to make myself feel better but so far they aren't helping.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

blogsphere vs reality

in continuation of the crazy people on the ttc today i saw a lady and pinned to the front of her jacket was a baggie with a broken candy cane in it. A BROKEN CANDY CANE. no word of a lie and she was definitely crazy because when she got off the bus she got all the way to the front of the bus right at the last second to get off and then she turns around and tells the driver she thinks she forgot something. nope she didn't she just walked around the bus and then got off.

in the past couple days i have had 2 serious encounters where my BLOG life and my REAL like have really intertwined.

a couple nights ago d i went to see my blog hero raymi at her art show. it was pretty amazing to see her in real life. it was a crazy experience on a level that i have never had before because it was just so weird to see someone in real life that i know SO much about. like i know her menstrual cycle! i don't even know that about my roommates/bestfriends. anyways d started up a conversation with her and we talked for a couple minutes. she is pretty much how i expected her to be in real life, low voice, very chill and not much of a smiler. but maybe it is wired for her to have people just coming up and talking to her like that, think about how wierd that would be for people you don't even know to look at pictures of your tits everyday and know what you ate for dinner and when you had your bowel movements.

sidebar: i think she talks about crazy stuff like her bowel movements, wearing dirty underwear and everything else that you never talk about with anyone else because she is testing her readers. to see when to draw the limit and it is too much information. but what makes it awesome is thats the best part cause its so refreshing to have someone be so honest about their day to you.

the second incident happened with the other blog that i read on a daily bases (and i only have three that i click on daily) i guess had a problem with someone reading thier blog or commenting or something. she didn't really give the whole story but she was switching to a new blog page with false names and no faces in the pictures. so anyway she says 'leave a comment and i will give you the new address for the page but this way she can control who she gives it out too. i hesitated.
first of all i must say that i know this person in real life and if she got married to her boyfriend right now she would be my step-sister in law. got it? okay well. she didn't know that i read it every day and would remember who i was so i was torn if i should expose myself or the other option was not reading her blog anymore.
i manned up and wrote a nice little comment, complimenting her blog and asking for the new address. she definitely knows it was me because when she emailed me back it was a personal email to me only. (which was nice of her)(it made me feel less awkward about the situation)

so anyway now both of the blogs that i read daily know i read them and it only happened in two days and now i feel as though keeping this blog a secret (ie not commenting, or commenting but not when i am logged into blogger, ie so no one reads this) is some how wrong.
i wonder if anyone reads my blog and doesn't comment. i don't blame them if they do, exposing yourself on blogs is scary especially when they can read so many personal things about you. okay now this is getting stupid and paranoid because i just smoked way too many bowls waiting for j to come online so we can discuss the fight we had last night.


Wednesday, January 9, 2008

ttc crazies

okay so everyday i ride the ttc to go to school and sometime to go to work. i'm not sure if there is a full moon or something out but this week the ttc has been FULL of weird things.

example 1:
I am sitting beside an average black guy, looks like he is going to meet up with some friends. He has his ipod blaring into his ears. another black guys gets on the ttc, pulls off his hood and stands by the doorway. they make eye contact and give each other THUMBS UP, smile and nod. is this some sort of unwritten code? was one guy wearing some sort of well known symbol? they didn't appear to know each other and the standing guy got off the subway shortly after that.

example 2:
this one i wish i had my camera, this lady, dressed totally 80's, (poofy hair, neon tracksuit, socks over the pants and a FANNY pack) is just sitting across from me minding her own buisness. all of the sudden she has this HUGE hand held computer and she is punching the screen on the front. where she whipped this thing out from is beyond me. then not only is she punching things into this handheld device but does she whip out ANOTHER one, slightly smaller but still large enough I thought i would have seen it strapped to her body somewhere considering she only had a fanny pack with her to hold her belongings. just one of these devises would fit in the fanny pack, if it would even fit at all.

plus then you thrown is your average yelling person, guy who talks to himself, girl with random arm twitches and old men that hit on highschool girls and there has only been three days of school so far.

i am trying to work up the courage to quit my second job tonight. wish me luck.

Monday, January 7, 2008

doesn't this just look amazing?!

today is so warm that i have been sitting here with the window open for over an hour. and i'm not much of an open window in the winter time person. its SPRING outside!

J says:
there was about 4 entertaining ones of 30 ... me and my partner had good ones

e says:
my partner and i

J says:
my partner and suck it

od on oj

not feeling so hot today. i think i might have gotten L's throat infection before she left. to get her tonsals out, so that tells me that this sore throat might be more serious then i am letting myself think it is. i had a nap today and bought oranges and made fresh squeezed oj so i hope it helps. i am pretty sure fresh oj is the best thing in the world. especially for a hang over but pretty much any day it is amazing.

first day of class was...pretty lame actually. watched the Cannes awards show winners from this year. i could tell the teacher wasn't prepared to go back to school eather and just wanted to keep us occupied. if i am getting up at 6am to go to your class i want to learn something dink. no one is there just to fuck around. i wish some of our teachers would have the balls to actually push our class into working and PRODUCING ideas. gawd. and really i shouldn't even bitch because i could just push myself all on my own, in my own time. a thought for the new year perhaps.

i've been watching the show weeds alot. seems like a good show. j got me into it.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

okay that was a pretty emo post last time.

in other news my dearest boyfriend is buying me this.

gotta love the bling

okay my work just called. at 10 on a sunday night. to see if i can work TOMORROW night. and also didn't give me any other heads up about other shifts this week that they need me to cover. which is find i guess if you have a giant mole on your nose and don't have a social life but gawd i am getting tired of being at their beck and call.

okay that was a rant but i actually do like working at the crepe restaurant. they are nice people and they really do listen to all of the suggestions that we give them. ANd the place is really starting to get busy these days and i am looking forward to making money in the future.

which leads me to my next looming task. quitting my other job. i don't know how i am going to do it or what i am going to say but i have until thursday to think of something and then i will just have to say it because i am not traveling 32 subway stops and two busses for 9$ an hour no way HO say.

bed time. school tomorrow. death beginning at 6 in the morning.


Saturday, January 5, 2008


so tonight was not supposed to be but ended up being a pretty drunk night and i am especially proud of the letter that a managed to pull out to J

hey baby, dustins job position on facebook right now is Love maker. at some foods market. hahaha he is definately my favorite crazy pseron. right niow we just got back from the danve cave and before that the wreck room AND my favorite place of the night Leilas. they make the ultime most best falafel on bloor street.

right now leanne dave and melis are reading playboy jokes from a really old playboy 60s joke book. i am only a little bit drunk but unfortunately i am a little bit more high. so even typing this is makeing me feel acomplished. haha. okay so remember when we were so high from pot cookies. yeah they were just plain old pot cookies absolutely nothing else in them. i have a hard time putting that into my brain just because they were

crazy. without a doubt they were crazy. i don't know if i told you this that night because i don't really know if i was able to talk but i thought i was on like lsd or something. not that i have ever done lsd or anything even close to that but i would not even want to risk it being anything like that. but i am glad it was with you i wouldn't have been okay with it being any one then you. i garuntee if i wasn't with you i would have called you. which is something i want to do right now. okay i think i am going to and see how long it takes you to be really frustrated with me and say i am too drunk.


i probably should have said goodbye or something hahaha but now i am really going to call him.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

"As long as this is love..."

it does not bother me to say, "This isn't love...
Cause if you don't want to talk about it
Then, it isn't love."
And I guess I'm gonna have to live with that
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name, if that's what you mean

"If it's love," she said "then we're going to have
to think about the consequences."
And she can't stop shaking,
And I can't stop touching her and...

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away
And Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days."
She says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

three simple words that twist my mind into knots. they make me want to scream, laugh, cry, rejoice, and run away everyday. every time i think of you.

and i don't think you even know. you don't even begin to understand that by not saying these things to me your not leaving out words. your screaming more words at me.

i just want to know i am not on this planet by myself. that i'm not wasting my time thinking about you every second. every time i think of the future. every time i look at everything in this universe that reminds me of you constantly. i just want to know your thinking with me. that my yellow isn't your blue.

and every time i ask. watch out. thats such a struggle. can't you just see all i want is COMMITMENT? no. you don't swing that way. which is fine. which is why i fell in love with you in the first place. because i love your free heart. i love everything you own fits into your car and we can drive off into the sunset tomorrow if we wanted. because thats YOU. buts its not me. and thats what we fight about every god damn single time we fight. every time.
and i don't want to fight baby. i want our perfect world back. where a good night is a homemade kitchen creation, a bottle of red wine, a good show on showcase and staying naked from sex at oh 4 cause we got bored waiting for dinner and ate each other instead. i miss that. so so so very much darling.

i hate that every time i see you i cry. i cry more when i don't see you though. even though you don't know that. even though i know you don't cry for me.

and the worst part is baby. i'm more scared to say these things to you then to leave them all bottled up inside me. cause i'm not dumb. i know the solution the this problem (your solution anyway) is to leave it all behind. kiss, cuddle, say our goodbyes in a civilized way and just drive away.

so no matter now much this hurts more then anything baby. i know what the alternative is and i'm not willing to give it all up just because you can't commit to me yet. i'm willing to wait for your stubborn taurus head to realize what you've got and appreciate it. and it will be a wonderful day. promise.
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