Thursday, January 3, 2008

"As long as this is love..."

it does not bother me to say, "This isn't love...
Cause if you don't want to talk about it
Then, it isn't love."
And I guess I'm gonna have to live with that
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of gray
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name, if that's what you mean

"If it's love," she said "then we're going to have
to think about the consequences."
And she can't stop shaking,
And I can't stop touching her and...

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away
And Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days."
She says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

three simple words that twist my mind into knots. they make me want to scream, laugh, cry, rejoice, and run away everyday. every time i think of you.

and i don't think you even know. you don't even begin to understand that by not saying these things to me your not leaving out words. your screaming more words at me.

i just want to know i am not on this planet by myself. that i'm not wasting my time thinking about you every second. every time i think of the future. every time i look at everything in this universe that reminds me of you constantly. i just want to know your thinking with me. that my yellow isn't your blue.

and every time i ask. watch out. thats such a struggle. can't you just see all i want is COMMITMENT? no. you don't swing that way. which is fine. which is why i fell in love with you in the first place. because i love your free heart. i love everything you own fits into your car and we can drive off into the sunset tomorrow if we wanted. because thats YOU. buts its not me. and thats what we fight about every god damn single time we fight. every time.
and i don't want to fight baby. i want our perfect world back. where a good night is a homemade kitchen creation, a bottle of red wine, a good show on showcase and staying naked from sex at oh 4 cause we got bored waiting for dinner and ate each other instead. i miss that. so so so very much darling.

i hate that every time i see you i cry. i cry more when i don't see you though. even though you don't know that. even though i know you don't cry for me.

and the worst part is baby. i'm more scared to say these things to you then to leave them all bottled up inside me. cause i'm not dumb. i know the solution the this problem (your solution anyway) is to leave it all behind. kiss, cuddle, say our goodbyes in a civilized way and just drive away.

so no matter now much this hurts more then anything baby. i know what the alternative is and i'm not willing to give it all up just because you can't commit to me yet. i'm willing to wait for your stubborn taurus head to realize what you've got and appreciate it. and it will be a wonderful day. promise.

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