karma is fucking with me

so.

the past few days have been hell to say the least.

j and i are on a 'break'. i don't know what this means, or when it will end or why it began or what the fuck is going on but he sprung that on me at 2:00 in the morning on skype and i was like wow your not even close to a real man. WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS please have the decency to at least pull this kind of shit on me in person. i understand his reasons and everything, i am fully aware how much our current situation was sucking. but fuck do you really think that not talking will make things better? apparently he did. fucker.
plus he tries to be all 'this will help you be a more independent person blah blah' yeah so we are going on a break so that i can be a better person? uh huh cause that makes sense. you just don't want to deal with the daily realization that you don't know how to show your feelings to another human being and are romantically inept. yeah i said it.
i am bipolar-ing between FUCKING ANGRY AT THAT IDIOT and really sad and okay with everything and wanting to live in mexico in a hut. and sometimes i feel optimism but not very often.

today i worked my ass of at the crepe place and then lost 40 or my 55$ of tips on the street on the way home. someone picked them up i know because i went back twice and once with a flashlight so if it was still there i would have seen it.
moral of the story is tomorrow i am taking ALL of the tips to make up for it and i don't give a shit.
i don't give a shit about a lot right now to be honest.

i bought some yellow flowers to make myself feel better but so far they aren't helping.