its 16 miles to the promised land

Okay so I don't usually post about clothing or style because I really don't consider myself doing anything ground breaking or ...really have that much interest in clothing? I know some of you will think thats cray but..yeah...I just sort of find things that fit at thrift stores and buy most of my shoes second hand or in Kensington market and pants are really the only thing I spend money on. and even then, I have one pair of black skinnies that I live in and then a pair of jeans that I should really replace now that I've grown into my new quarter life body. 

But the other day I saw a few of these pictures on a blog and was really drawn to them. simple clothing. simple colours. heels? loose hair. belts. 

I need some inspiration for re-entering the work world in April and this is what I'm being drawn too. 

Source 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Cool so remember when I said I was going to make a list every week and post it?

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HA!

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So that clearly hasn't been happening but I found an old one from January so ta! da! thats what we get today. 

My wants (not needs) list:

so what else is new?

I finished another website...... LINK

Its probably my favorite so far. Although, haha, I guess I would have said that for the others as well, but this one really 'fits' my style and aesthetic right now.

Also, a while ago Peter and I and another friend Matt filmed a Lindsay band when they played at the Horseshoe in Toronto. Peter edited the videos and had a friend mix the music. I did the titles to each of the videos. It was a fun exploration with fonts and a good chance to use some less mainstream title fonts instead of the tried and true readable body copy ones. yes I am a total font nerd. here's one of the best songs (imho) Canada Wide

I was also asked by my lovely cousin Carly to create a logo and branding of her new jewellery business venture, Black and Bronze. You can see her etsy shop with the logo here. Her business cards have been ordered so I'm sure she will post of pic of those when they come in the mail shortly.

Okay, dinners on the table, we are watching beast of the southern wild tonight. xo!

Mindfulness

I was in a conflicted state this morning. I have a snow day and didn't have to go to class, which is A+ awesome. But I didn't/don't want the whole day to go to waste but I also wanted to relax and enjoy this opportunity.

For me that conflict is the worst. It leads me to do nothing. I get overwhelmed and can't start anything. Then I feel guilty for not doing anything but instead of fully embracing relaxing I spend the whole day thinking about what I should be really doing and feeling anxious.

Then I took peter up on his offer to run me a bath and started reading Flow magazine by chance. I found an article that I just perfectly needed to hear. I am making the conscious decision to share it with you and then I will decide on my next move after this.

Taken from an interview with Mark Williams in Flow Issue 1.

WHY DO WE NEED MINDFULNESS SO BADLY THESE DAYS?

...We have created a society which is very hectic and where everything rushes by. We live in a culture of achievement and targets. The trouble with targets is that you can't really be happy when you have achieved them, you can only be relieved. If you're a a carpenter and you make beautiful furniture, you will enjoy your job. But it's different when someone shows up and says, 'I want you to make twenty of these and if you don't finish on time, you won't get paid.' Once you have completed your twentieth, you are no longer happy, you're just relieved.

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO BE QUIET AND CALM?
I think that being busy isn't much of a problem in itself. It only becomes a problem when the bustle becomes permanent. all types of technological advances have made life constantly busy. It's getting harder and harder to take a break, we just jump from one thing to the next.
The danger is that we don't 'feed' ourselves enough. When you are stressed, you have a tendency to give up stuff so you can focus on the tast at hand. But that doesn't reduce stress. So you give up other stuff as well. And then some more. But the things you are likely to give up first are exactly the things that feed you, that give you energy. So you stop singing, you stop playing your musical instrument, you don't invite people round for dinner anymore. And you hear yourself say I'll do it next month, or next year. But in fact you are postponing your life. We never realize that today is the future we promised ourselves last month. But it is. This is life, and it's happening right now. So if this is the future we promised ourselves, why not take a moment and realize that, to wake up?

ps after I got out of the bath I made it my misson to find his book Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World but it isn't available through the public library or chapters. Or even Amazon! But I did find this, and bought it.

BUT AT THIS MOMENT there is only THIS MOMENT

source

I have a confession. I am really liking this time of year. Its not usually my style, all cold and grey and unpredictable out there. but right now in these moments I am finding a lot of happiness.

I have time to have conversations with friends. I am able to work hard at my schoolwork and not feel overwhelmed. I am enjoying going to the gym and seeing changes in my body. I love spending time with Peter and we have been just laughing our heads off always. He's been working so much and so hard and it makes me uncontrollably proud to see that. We've had lots of friends over and served good food and played cards (Wizard, favourite game ever) around my new kitchen table. It feels like family. like home. like a great time.

This is a delicate balance. once the weather warms up there will be more obligations. more places to visit and less time to decompress. more deadlines to meet and the stress will be higher. the potential 'dream job' will be looming.

I am going to enjoy these moments because they are mine to have now.

I've realized something very important. my future planner self needs to step back. I think of all these scenarios in my head, like what my job will be, how my husband will be, how many kids we will have and in what city. my future planner then looks at today and feels like it needs to hurry up. to set those wheels in motion. I see something that doesn't fit with future planner self's vision and I freak out. Its an irrational panic because there is nothing in this moment that is wrong, just a potential flaw in future planners vision that could potentially change things. BUT AT THIS MOMENT there is only THIS MOMENT. If I am happy now, I can live with that. If I am looking forward to tomorrow, then I will be ready for it. I have to calm down, take a deep breath, ask myself, but are you happy right now? and if the answer is yes then I need to chill out.

I always have the opportunity to change things.  Why I am so nieve to think that I know today what my future self will want? I won't get existential on this matter, but if I can make myself happy in this moment, I will have the opportunity to do that later as well. Life is not linear. I can't check something off my to do list today for the rest of all time. Life takes turns, it is unexpected. I can only take comfort in being happy in this moment and the foreseeable future. If later on I am not happy, it will not be present selfs fault. I will make the decisions my heart wills me to make and treat those around me the best. that is all I can do. there is reality in future planners life, there is only the small and insignificant choices I make today and everyday and the life I am happy with at that moment.

pulled from the archives

I was going through old posts last night and find inspiration in my own words. 

side note. at the bar i went to they had these sailboat glasses that my parents used to have/might still own and all night i felt like i was in this weird universe where my childhood collided with being of age to drink. when the bartender handed me my first drink i was so taken back down memory lane that i walked away without actually paying for my drink. wait! this isn't my own house! im sorry mr. bartender, my parents don't make me pay for drinks you see...

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part of me is shutting down, and as opposites cosmically attract, i am discovering things about myself that i didn't think possible. i didn't know were in me to do. i know i am being so vague and pointing my finger in the air and trying to describe what it is that i'm touching. its just hard. its difficult to be honest with myself and with others and see both sides of the coin.

some days the future is right onfront of me. its the ground i'm about to step on, its waiting for the thumbs up without even needing to look back.

today is a day when the future is like looking through a paper tube. its there i can see it, i know i'll find it, its just beyond the next distance. the shaded curves on either side are rather hard to get though in the meantime. i'm already too far to look back now.

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lately i've been really touched by kindness in strangers. i think we unknowingly expect the worst from people and really, we are better then that, as a species. there were 4 times the maximum people that should ever be allowed on a single street car crammed into one car the other night and instead of scowling and pretending to be enthralled in the seat in front of her a lady told me i could rest my huge heavy gym bag on her lap instead of hovering it in the air because there was actually no place to put it. we started talking about the weather, about friends who live in better climates, about friends in general. i was sad to see my stop come up. i like moments like this and it makes me feel like there are actual humans living in toronto with me.

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