side note. at the bar i went to they had these sailboat glasses that my parents used to have/might still own and all night i felt like i was in this weird universe where my childhood collided with being of age to drink. when the bartender handed me my first drink i was so taken back down memory lane that i walked away without actually paying for my drink. wait! this isn't my own house! im sorry mr. bartender, my parents don't make me pay for drinks you see...
part of me is shutting down, and as opposites cosmically attract, i am discovering things about myself that i didn't think possible. i didn't know were in me to do. i know i am being so vague and pointing my finger in the air and trying to describe what it is that i'm touching. its just hard. its difficult to be honest with myself and with others and see both sides of the coin.
some days the future is right onfront of me. its the ground i'm about to step on, its waiting for the thumbs up without even needing to look back.
today is a day when the future is like looking through a paper tube. its there i can see it, i know i'll find it, its just beyond the next distance. the shaded curves on either side are rather hard to get though in the meantime. i'm already too far to look back now.
lately i've been really touched by kindness in strangers. i think we unknowingly expect the worst from people and really, we are better then that, as a species. there were 4 times the maximum people that should ever be allowed on a single street car crammed into one car the other night and instead of scowling and pretending to be enthralled in the seat in front of her a lady told me i could rest my huge heavy gym bag on her lap instead of hovering it in the air because there was actually no place to put it. we started talking about the weather, about friends who live in better climates, about friends in general. i was sad to see my stop come up. i like moments like this and it makes me feel like there are actual humans living in toronto with me.