Sunday, March 22, 2009

shine like it does

i'm sitting here munching on delicious homemade peanut butter banana bread and sipping not too hot not too cold coffee, looking outside to a beautiful blue sky after 10 hours of sleep and realizing my life is pretty wicked right now.

i know i haven't been on the blog that much lately and its because i view blogging as a very private thing. i know that i write these words and then publish them on the internet for anyone to google and see but ...before i hit that publish button these words are still fresh, new, they are my feelings and my interpretations of what goes on in my life as any blogger i am sure can relate too.

before this week my living situation meant that i shared a computer with four other people, in a public place in the house and without any privacy to compose my thoughts. i still wrote in my notebook and took time to reflect in words what was going on in my life, but they just didn't make it to the internet. and i am sad about that because it was a very tumultuous time in my life and it would probably have made for some good entries.

in one way it was a very difficult time, i was constantly rearranging my thoughts to accomplish different goals and i was constantly reacting to different circumstances. i wasn't sure of my actions, or rather my reactions. i wasn't sure enough about my decisions to put them on the internet for others to read. in a way i probably knew that those decisions would just have to make way for new decisions so it was essentially pointless to pretend like i had a solid grasp of what i was doing with my life.

but, i can write this now because that time is over. i have solid ground to stand on, landmarks to look for in the future and a plan to get there. so essentially, long story short, i am back.

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