these pictures are from many many moons ago. before the snow swirled and my world started rolling in the direction i look forward to today. it was a day with everything going for it, but at the same time, fearfully empty. i was completely absorbed in my head, centre of my universe, spinning round spouting off words, phrases, meanings without intent.
today is a different day. the world has stopped spinning, circling, flipping. there is a sense of calm now. a tranquility that can only come after the storm.
c'est la vie.
i wouldn't appreciate the highs without the lows.
today's are days with to do list and rewards. they are about building blocks and family time. they don't revolve around personal agendas. today's are less about agendas but more things get done. its truly the change i needed.
i used to complain about anxiety. a feeling in my chest that used to tighten. and release. tighten.
now i am actually relaxed, listening to the rain fall just outside the door. norishing my herbs and the gardens i planted last week.
i drink tea in the morning now, and instead of cigarettes and television to put me to sleep i just seem to drift off, slowly making my way through the nightly routine. until my head lands on my pillow and then its over. until the next today.
i still have a lot of the 'what do i want to do with my life' stress. but i have the feeling i will have that until the day i retire from whatever path i stumble into.
in the future i am making a promise with myself to take more pictures like these. more ones that have no faces or occasion. pictures that are about a feeling, a moment, a second when my chest opened up and i realized how much more i could enjoy life.