words unspoken

i consider myself very lucky to have met the friends i have in my life.

there are four of us, always and forever. i think it was our early adoption of the 'i don't give a shit what you think' philosophy that initially brought us together. if i can remember correctly there aren't too many grade nine students who made up their own holidays just to give a friend a special day, or four girls who could share two lockers because all that mattered was they were close together. after eight years of growing up together i consider them sisters.

last year we lived together for eight months, and it was by total fluke and coincidence. during the time we were in the manning house i was constantly reminded how special these girls are to me and how much better my life could be when it was filled with laughter. i was thankful for those times together even as they were happening and now they are over...i really miss them.

i knew i would miss the constant company, the never ending laughs and the shoulders to cry on. i knew my life would be different once there wasn't someone within five steps of me who could offer inspiration or a new perspective. the time that i lived in the manning house was filled with change for me, people who had supported me in the past were no longer by my side everyday. it was the beginning of what i have come to know as me.

i didn't know it when i lived in manning but what i really miss most is the understanding. these girls have complete understanding of me and my life. they know the good the bad and the ugly and i could tell you each of their stories as well. they know the past experiences, the rational, the highs and certainly the lows. the point i am trying to get to is that in these days of confusion with a pinch of sadness venting to anyone but these girls isn't worth it. i can't explain to anyone how deep my love for a person is, i can't tell all the details of our experiences together, how our bond is above superficial things like time and space. they just don't get it. they can't understand why i am waiting around for my prince charming, there is no words to justify it -i just know.

to bring this full circle, tonight i found myself with a pool of tears in my lap and no shoulder to lean on. and it was then that i realized how important deep friendship is and how what you don't have to tell your friends is really the most important part of the relationship.