wine not?

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

-regina spektor, on the radio

d and i had a great talk last night. hes very full of insight and being single wisdom. i can't wait for the day i get to give him relationship help. its nice to talk to someone so positive about living life completely on your own, doing everything for yourself.

there are alot of things going on in my head right now but i still can't put them down in words.

i feel awesome considering

i have only had about 10 hours sleep in the past three days.

my two group members are at the tipping point of wanting to fight each other. they only speak through me now, it makes my life really easy and uncomplicated.

last night L and i made the BEST dinner. pepper french fries with dip, spinach salad with goat cheese tomatoes and avocado with balsamic dressing AND spicy bean veggie burgers on the george forman with brie, avocado and grilled onions on them. sooooo good. it smelled like summer in our kitchen.

L and i have been watching Weeds religiously lately. its all we can do to not instantly NEED to watch another episode, they are just so good. i am going to be sad when we get caught up with the current season and have to wait a week in between episodes. haha who am i kidding we don't have cable, there is no way we will get to watch the episodes until i can find them online.



BUT. the gym we joined (for only 50$ a month no less!) has personal cable tv screens you can hook your headphones into while doing the elliptical, treadmill or bike. that was a major selling point of joining the gym haha. so maybe we will just work out during weeds every week. problem solved. an hour on the elliptical? haaaaaaaaaa

i'm off to the UPS store to print another goddamn project.

manic monday

today i got up at 6:45 after only (yay me) hitting the snooze button twice.
then i showered, took the subway to class, got organized with group about project 1 (due thursday....its going to be close), talk to teacher about project 2, made him laugh about my concept, ate lunch, paraphrased the text for midterm on wednesday with a partner in the library, tried to buy a (motherfuckinggoddamn) metro pass, remember how much i hate the bookstore, took the subway home...oh wait did i mention its only 1:45 when i get home.

then after studying i had to make *gasp* decision if i should nap before work or go to the gym..

obviously i chose a nap. ha.

i feel like making a list so these are the people who pissed me off today..
-my boss
-grace idon'thaverealeyebrows at the bookstore
-people who don't tip well

okay its 2:11 in the morning i am delusional.

if i didn't steal it

then i will always pick a black lighter. and peel the sticker off immediately and if i have the time then that stupid metal thing comes off too. but that doesn't include taking them from other people, so if i happen to have a lighter of any other colour i 100% didn't pay for it. there is nothing better then stealing a black lighter from someone.

someone recently made a very good point in telling me that if i had anything on my chest i should just do something about it. tell people the truth and not be afraid of what they will think. so this is my list.

-i steal things. but its always things i want and never just for fun. but it is fun. and anyone who has ever stolen something successfully knows that it is fun, its the people that get caught and are bitter who say its isn't.
-i watch porn. on my computer and i like it. apparently not all my roommates do this.
-i talk to myself in the mirror when i get lonely.
-i live in the past and its hard for me to visualize the future. the future scares me actually.
-i hate going to school more then anything in my life. i want out of this program but i'm smarter then that and know how much money i've already wasted so i might as well finish. but it wears me down.
-i like being stoned.
-inside i am bitter about people who get to have sex everyday. and cuddle. hmmm now i am thinking about if i had to choose between sex or cuddleing. probably sex. but it would have to be meaningful sex....okay hm this question is unresolved.

alright. so thats what i can think of for now. its nice to purge.

She's got a little bit of something, God it's better than nothing

I got a weakness in me
I think that weakness feeds me
I don't think you, think you need me
Sunshine
You're the best time
I ever, ever had

matchbox 20 was ammmmmmazing. absolutely perfect.

its nice to know that time and distance has no effect on my heart. i can ground myself knowing that it may not be today or tomorrow or even a year from now, but it will always feel the same. and i don't know if that makes it harder..but its all i have and i'm okay with that. its not ideal but nothing is life hardly ever is.

its such a weird experience to remember that your single.


++

dc? are you alright? if you want to talk i'm here for you. i'm proud of what you did and you should be relieved to have opened up like that. i can't even imagine. come back we miss you!

the sky was the colour of lightbulbs that weren't lit.

"His compliments were like little cupcakes all lined up in a window. Each one made me a little stronger. I loved listening to him convince me that I deserved better. Now that this was said, things would be good for us. Being apart from him hadn't been the worst thing; the worst thing had been not knowing if he cared or not. I thought I could start over again and he would be proud of me. I was going to get to be whatever I wanted to be."
-lullabies

totally lunar total eclipse of the moon is happening right now.

pretty girl with a wicked smile on

In an attempt to organize my life and school work i have resorted to buying this...


and using this grid to organize what needs to be done in each category

i'm probably a huge loser because of this but it is actually helping me see clearly what jobs need to be done. i have the bad habit of knowing that i have homework that needs to be done on the internet and even on facebook (i still think its crazy that all my group projects communicate through facebook but it really does work well for discussions, loading pictures and yeah you get it) so what i was saying is that when i wake up in the morning with full intention of doing homework all day i get seduced by the internet and never get anything done. BUT with this handy little organizer i can clearly see who i need to call, and where i need to go THUS nothing to do with the internet.

i picked up the tickets to see these guys on friday night <3..




and you have to admit, looking at rob thomas for a couple hours is good eye candy


the city is really backed up because of a huge fire at queen and bathurst. i was reading about it at the star website. this is a highlight of how well the article was written.

“We lost a piece of Toronto history, and its incredible,” Stewart said, coughing on smoke as he spoke to reporters. (incredible? really though?)

“It’s cold, so cold out there, but I want to see what’s happening,” she said frantically to her friend as she peered out the window, shaking her hands to get them warm. (why is this included in the article? why?)

“Anyone who has ever ridden a cycle in the city knows Duke,” she said. "We’re just heartbroken right now.” (everyone?)

okay i am done, i shouldn't criticize because (HA) my writing level is 29032932324934298 times worse but i just figure if your going to try and make a career out of it....

i am on a smoked salmon craze right now and i can't get over it. ijustwantitallthetime.yummmm.

if i win the lottery i am going to buy this sewing table for L.




oh! and i finished lullabies this morning. it was so good that when i was reading it i would dog ear the bottom of the pages that had amazing quotes on them. something that i do for every book i read (thats my own) but this book definitely tops the list for the most pages i have ever turned down.

who invited the mood killer?

hi its me again. personal hiatus from the blog world is now over, AREN"T YOU GLAD? uhhh hu.

crazy fucked up night last night, on account of this,

oh and can't forget this,

and someone invited this guy.....


glad i didn't try and blog because i found i note i wrote to myself this morning and ...yeah...i spared you some heartfelt emo bullshit crap that was my state of mind at the time.

alright i got nothing really, its late and i worked all day and the flowers on my desk are dying because i haven't watered them.

i made a 24$ tip off of a 35$ bill tonight. AND what makes it even sweeter is that my boss critized the martinis that i made for the table. it was nice to rub in the fact that obviously they couldn't have been that bad.

3daysuntiliseejayagainandiamstartingtofriekout.ohgod.

do you remember...

the time we climbed a mountain and i was 100% sure i was going to die and even though you weren't sure we would live you still made me believe we could do it?

the time you told me you ate raw eggs and i refused to belive you because i was sure you would get food poisening from something like that?

the time we ODed on pot cookies and you told me "eather i'm not talking, or i have lost my hearing"?

the time we had sex in the field of your public school? and your mom wondered why the sleeping bag was dirty and you told her not to ask questions like that?

the many many many times we christened my moms car? and thats when i started to like baseball.

the time we got locked out of that stupid basement apartment and you had to break in with only your hands and alot of willpower while your landlord slept in the room right above the window?

the time we played the most intense game of Jenga and I won and then you killed me in shuffle board but it didn't matter because we were a team anyway?

the time we walked circles around banff just for something to do and had the best conversations under that stars while drunk people yelled and we belived we were above that?

the cave and basin? the point? trailer park boys?

the time i told you i loved you after wanting to say it for over a year and even though you didn't say it back what you did say was more valuable to me then i think either one of us realized at the time.

what you don't remember is when we first got together i told L two things about you.

1) your the kind of boy you marry
2) your going to break my heart someday

i was right about both of them.

happy valentines day baby.

i'm glad we had a chance to make all of these memories, i wouldn't have wanted my life any other way. our roads crossed paths for some of the best times in my life and even though our roads have separated i have faith that they will cross again when the time is right. for both of us. xoxo

build me up buttercup

remember how i said i was going to buy myself something for V day?

well i decided it is going to be a new magazine every week.

today i bought frankie. ive never seen it before but it was the choice of the week. the article that stole my heart was one written by Nerissa Parker entitled 365 days a year. she took a polaroid picture every day for a year. "My only rule was I had to take the photo and I had to write something on the back of the photo, whether it was a lyric I heard from a song that day, or whatever...Initially, my criteria was to take a photo of whatever inspired me in my day, but some days I didn't feel inspired, so I had to be innovative." the photo collage that accompanies the article is pretty inspiring, she has a good eye for making ordinary things look...different.

i wish i could find the spread that they used in the magazine, maybe i will scan it. whon dai.



i'm loving 'lullabies for little criminals'. more then half way done, i wish it was longer already.
actually, i am at fault because bigger books intimidate me, only because they are so un-portable. i carry whatever i'm reading with me all time and big hardcover books just aren't travel friendly. plus, when i read a book, i am 100% devoted to reading the book. so i try to stick to smaller books for the sake of getting my homework done and having a social life. wow i sound like a nerd.
a quote from the novel that stuck with me,
"Isabelle gave me my going away present early. Inside the card was a five-dollar bill with the words "I love you" written on it with a blue pen. I wondered how i could spend a bill that had the words "I love you" written on it. Somehow I knew that I would, on movies or comic books. Love is a big and wonderful idea, but life is made up of small things. As a kid, you have nothing to do with the way the world is run; you just have to hurry and catch up with it."

this is a photo list of my grocery bill......





baba ganoush, the first time i misspelled it and google suggested "baby genius" haha




in order to make these.....



also, i saw a sign that said "5$ to anyone who shovels this -->" pointing to a large snow bank. hahaha i bet the boss told the kid working in the store to shovel it and hes banking on someone else to do it for him.

ansel adams is my new hero

we are hosting a party this friday, hopefully its not too much of a shit show and everyone goes to bed at a reasonable hour. i have to get up for work the next day at 7 so i will most definitely be moderating my alcohol consumption. the food is going to be so good.

She Does the City Party Tip:
"Tip: if you’ve got a bit of wine leftover (apparently this happens to some people), pour it into an ice cube tray and freeze. Perfect size to add to a sauce. Le voila."

left over wine? pffff. no such thing.



D and i were discussing how fine of a balance it takes for a blog to be successful. you see there is a catch 22 in that if you spend alot of time on your blog, then most likely you have no life, and therefore your blog is boring as fuck. on the other hand, if your busy all the time then your blog goes to shambles because you could never write down all of the amazing things you do with your time. there is a perfect balance, but few have attained it.

take my blog hero Raymi for example. her only job is blogging. and the only reason she gets to have this amazing job is because the rest of her life is interesting enough (and she has the writing talent to make it interesting) to support this as her job. does that make sense?
same with super models. if my only job was to look smoking hot and model clothes i wouldn't eat either.

that doesn't explain people like Oprah though. she has all the help in the world and she still can't loose weight or look good without a foot of makeup on her. apparently money can't buy you will power.



this is the first V day i will spend boyfriend-less since before i lost my virginity. no word of a lie. i am not looking forward to it. the oxymoron of the whole situation is, when i had a boyfriend i never really cared for the holiday but now that i don't.... every single stupid heart or cupid i see makes me feel all 'whoa is me' about myself. fuck it. akakjdkdkj i'm buying myself something for valentines day. something nice. i'm trying to keep my mind off of negative things but i just don't have anything else to think about. i think thats why deep down i always had a boyfriend. i never developed the skills to entertain myself and having someone else to think about/worry about/help out/clean up after/go places with/call me/do nice things for me just kind of filled a void that i couldn't do myself. okay self reflection time is over.

i am taking a self imposed snow day tomorrow and i'm going to try not to feel guilty about it. realistically the day will be filled with homework anyway so its really all the same.

spring break countdown= 48 hours.

i jumped into a puddle today.

today was the first time in three weeks that I haven't needed to set my alarm.



i woke up at 11:11.



it was a good day.



i finished reading The Gum Thief, by Douglas Coupland. and loved it, i fully recommend it. its an easy read but the characters are really interesting.

and bought Lullabies for Little Criminals at She said boom!, the most amazing second hand book and record store. got the book for 9$ and the list price on the back is 17.50, plus the spine has never been cracked. i love being the first person to read a book. its a novelty (novel? pun? oh?) that never gets old. plus i saw a couple more books that are on my mental radar for potentials.

there is a liter of fresh squeezed OJ in my fridge right now. bottled sunshine.

my mom sent me a valentines day card. i think she feels bad for me. i can live with that, she sent a 10$ shoppers gift card in it. she knows how to get to my heart, i have been controlling my addiction for a while now but now i have a free money at shoppers i am itching to go in there and spend it on useless shit like dryer sheets and body cream. (useless/random/embarassing fact: i have five tubes of toothpaste still in the package and over seven bottles of shampoo/conditioner. i told you i had an addiction. don't even get me started on shoppers optimum points.) but also i am torn because its a gift card and, well, hoarding gift cards is a secret past time of mine. theres comfort in knowing no matter how broke you get there will always be your gift cards too fall back on.
as if i would let my bank account ever get to that point.pfffff

i was reading an article in the globe and mail about starbucks and how in mega trouble they are in. (also i kind of knew this from j but that made it more interesting) i'm not going to pretend like i'm a know-it-all and tell you what i think they should do, oh wait! umm actually i am going to do exactly that.
they have some serious branding strategy to figure out. starbucks should really take a good hard look at themselves and where they started from. what made them 'cool' in the beginning was the atmosphere they provided people. fresh coffee smell when you walked in the door, comfy chairs and overall ambiance. now, the espresso is made by an automatic machine (no fresh coffee smell) and lets get real, hanging out in a starbucks is lame. unless you wear uggs with your juicy velour tracksuit.
the trouble is, now they have created this new image, they are loosing the cult following that made them cool in the first place. they are loosing market share. and fast. but can they really go back? doubt it.
but what will be awesome is seeing what they do. because they are going to do something. and if it doesn't work then they are going to loose alot of business and dollar signs.
i can't honestly say i wish them luck, because as far as my info goes, they are major sellouts.
if i had to recomend one thing to them, i would say they need to embrace who they have become and cater to this in every aspect of what they do. no more pretening to be differnet, they are just a more expensive version of williams/timothys who spends alot of money on product placement. they need to stop trying to dominate the world with starbucks on every corner and scale back on the quantity of locations. because really, the people who have to have stabucks likely have a car and go three blocks further to get it.

oh and they should loose that stupid 'skinny latte' campaign they have going now. barf.

what do you think?

ready, set, go.

Congratulations!

Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

anita keyhole

guess what i found today in my sketchbook?

a pay cheque! bet thats never happened to you.

recycled newspaper yarn!

from AT

i need to declutter my bedside table. here is some inspiration.





I have seen these floating shelves before and i have always been fascinated by them. they would be perfect for the candles that clutter up the the table. a trip to umbra is in order.

my sprouts are ready to eat.


today was a shitstorm of snow. the city was grinding, people think the world is going to end if they can't see the sidewalk. i wore my summer dress to cheer me up.


for some reason i can't get the pictures to load portrait instead of landscape. suck it up cupcake.

this is what toronto looks like right now.

.i.need.coffee.

i got a badge! ------>
check it out. thanks zoeyjane!

thats cool even though i don't even know what it really means or if i should do anything with it? this shits all new to me son.

my sprouts are ready to eat and they taste awesome. its a really easy thing to do. apparently sailors grew sprouts on board ships to prevent scurvy. i will post pics of them soon.

physically my body is doing awesome. i have been eating so healthy getting ready for the raw food diet starting on the 16th and taking my new multivitamins everyday. i haven't been exercising really, but i do walk everywhere i go and run around like a crazy-woman at the restaurant on the weekends. plus i think muscles on girls is weird looking. BUT i do plan on joining the gym down the street and going to at least two classes a week. minimum. (hell if i am paying for it, i am USING it)

emotionally....thats another story. i'm so lonely all the time. i'm not used to being by myself, and not having someone else who cares about whats going on with me. that sounds conceited, but i am so much more organized about myself when i can tell another person all the things i have to get done, or ask their opinion on something thats bugging me. that way i get it out, talk about it, and can forget about it. i guess i just never developed the ability to do that on my own. yet.
its coming but the road is rocky.

take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Flush my worries down the drain
And fly away to somewhere new

Take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drive this little girl insane
Fly away to someone new

good song by the counting crows
i have a motherload of homework i should be doing right now.
julia and i took pinhole pictures today and they turned out awwwwwwwesome. she will be scanning them so i will probably post them. cause i'm hot like that.

pantone colours

things i am going to accomplish TODAY
-finish logo for wednesdays class, scan it into illustrator, edit it and save it as a full colour version, (one with a white background, one with black) and black and white version (on black and white backgrounds), save it as a .pdf and put it on my jump drive to print tomorrow.
-wrap up 100$ text book I sold on amazon to mail tomorrow
-make a tuna melt for dinner
-walk to the bakery and buy buns for tuna melts
-go to this documentary with dave cave
-start reading this book, maybe at manic coffee
-look into buying bedouin soundclash tickets.
-call other stupid job and tell them i can't work next weekend on account of having a dinner party.
-brainstorm ideas for duracell battery project, doritos project, toronto tourism project, and sourz project. damn i have a lot of thinking to do.
-research raw food diet which will commence the day after the dinner party.

pictures to frame.

the manning mansion.




wanna watch trailer park boys?




colt 45 drunk. such class.


cuba <3






savis sisters




toughest climb of life but i would do it again. wish we got to the top though.


giggles




kid in the background going crazzzy. you know your drunk when you dance like a mad fool all by yourself.

this concludes today's episode of Trip Down Memory Lane.