Love is like breathing. You take it in and let it out.

-She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb

I stepped off the bus after school today and made the impromptu decision to get a coffee at the cutest little cafe near my house. unplanned stop overs are not a usual occurrence for me but i think the sign outside that said Fresh Made Pies reminded me of my best friend L7 and all of the sudden my heart wanted to be filled with homemade pastry and good coffee. Madelines is what the name of this place is and they have the most amazing back patio with cozy, comfortable outdoor couches and chairs. and seeing as i only had a few mouthwatering pages left of my novel i couldn't bare to put it down, even if it was only for the short walk home. 

I was sitting back relaxing drinking my coffee when i came across the above quote in my novel. its so absolutely true for any emotion i have ever had. you can only give what you have. when you life is full of friends and happiness you will gain more friends and increase your happiness. when you life is filled with negativity and stress you continue to be negative and therefore add more stress. can you change this? can you go from having depression and anxiety to feeling wonderful about the world again? its a hard question. you only have one life and it is up to each of us to be responsible for what we fill it with. its easy to get pushed down, and stay down - to ignore our support systems and accept that life handed us a shit stick. perpetuating the cycle is the easy answer. 

but its not the best answer. little by little it is important that we take in fresh air, be it fresh ideas, fresh places, fresh faces. we need to change our lives each day in order not to be sucked down. monotony is detrimental to the state of mind. its not easy to make a different path and there are many excuses -not having money, not having time, not having the resources. but it won't be the excuses you will remember in the future, in fact its quite the opposite. it will be the changes you made. it will be breathing in new thoughts and new concepts that you will remember. that will have made you the person you become. 

living easy is like cheating. your giving up on your chances, the changes you could have made. and what all this has me thinking is that i believe i want to grow up and have a simplified life. a life of schedules and control. but now i am wondering just how much a person can grow and learn within that environment? i don't want to ever stop learning and growing. hmmm its a confusing path to travel down, this life thing.